Bitter-Sweet

Salamualaykum,

When you get to my age and beyond, life becomes bitter-sweet. School gets harder and more burdensome, you make every effort to find yourself, and then you notice that all your friends get married and start leaving. When March began, I was soooo incredibly excited for all these upcoming weddings but now that they’re happening, I’m in a totally different state. I don’t know what it is. SubhanAllah, of course I’m just as happy if not more, but I’m just sad that I won’t get to see some of my closest friends in Allahu a’lam how long.. I came back from a walima last weekend and mashaAllah it was wonderful. Finally got to see friends I hadn’t seen in years alhumdulillah.  But as soon as I saw her on stage, I was struggling to hide the tears, like really really struggling. And SubhanAllah, it’s not even like I saw her regularly… just the thought of her leaving her family really got to me.

I miss talking to her on gchat. She’s barely ever on anymore :( It’s just so unusal that I’ve been feeling such a gaping hole in my heart even though she wasn’t physically present in my life for 5,6 years. I guess that shows the kind of person she is mashaAllah. Though we’re the same age.. I think I’m actually a little older, I still look up to her as a role model and as someone I can learn so much from. I miss discussing our dreams, our plans, I miss our corny jokes, and our venting sessions. Of course I’m SO incredibly happy for her, but I’m struggling to get passed this feeling of emptiness. And the best part is (sarcasm intended), I still have more weddings to go to.. and not just any weddings, but really close friends. May Allah make it easy for all of us, I know they’re going through a lot more than I am.. :p

The week before her wedding, she shared these beautiful nasheeds with me and now every time I listen to them, I can’t help but get super emotional.. doesn’t help that they have a sad ring to them too…

This one is a poem by Rabbia Al Adawiyya. I’m sure you’ve heard of her but if you haven’t, definitely get to know who she was. May Allah have mercy on her and help us all to attain the immense level of hubb she had for Allah subhanahu wata’ala. Her poetry always moves me to tears and gives me so much hope. SubhanAllah, this was a woman who truly made Allah her concern. She was completely imbued in the thought of pleasing Allah and seeing Him in the akhirah. Her beautiful words and righteous actions are an indication of that. May Allah have mercy on her.

This one is kind of depressing. ..somber, actually. It talks about how people are attracted to this dunya despite how strange it is. It deceives us time and again, yet we always seem to fall into the same traps. If it wasn’t for the meaning we could find in dunya (getting to know Allah and worshipping him), we would/should have abandoned it long ago.

a personal favorite:

-Fi Amanillah-

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