Los Padres.

Salamualaykum,

I’ve noticed that whenever I open up a news source, my attention is automatically drawn to such topics: politics, Islam, social phenomenons, drugs, messed up youth, and often times..Parenting. So that sums up most of my interests. I wrote a post a while back about parenting after I gathered some thoughts about what it really means to be a parent and raise a child (ren). I wrote it about 7 months ago after I decided that homeschooling was the route I wanted to take with my family InshaAllah. Since then, most of my thoughts on parenting have remained the same but I think I almost entirely forgot about the child; rather, I just focussed on the act of parenting. Here’s another amazing article on the topic, one that discusses the outcome of the child more in depth. Check it.

Needless to say, the writer definitely did her research MashAllah :)

I have seen with my own eyes children under the age of ten who willingly set their own alarms to get up for Tahajjud prayer. I have hosted a young soccer marvel in my home who begins his day before mine by reciting Quran at Fajr. I know of an Ivy League university student who insisted on turning the car around because she realized she had left home without giving her mother salaams. I have been acquainted with doctors who make more money in a single month than most people make in a single year yet choose to live in small homes with no mortgages so that their salaries can be spent supporting scholars of Islam. My husband and I work with a young man who once flew with his mother to Jordan, then turned around and returned on the next flight home — all of this so that his single mother didn’t have to travel across the world alone. I have witnessed fourth graders who were able to sit quietly with impeccable etiquette in front of Muslim scholars while the adults around them stretched, yawned, and sighed. I have heard children silence their young friends with urgent reminders, “Don’t say that about him! It’s backbiting!”

“Rabbana hab lana min azwajina wa dhuriyyatina qurrata A’yunin waj’alna lil-muttaqina imama.”“Our Lord! grant us in our mates and offspring the joy of our eyes and make us patterns for those who guard against evil.” (25:74). Ameen thumma ameen.

-Fi Amanillah-

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Los Padres.

  1. Salaam

    That is a fantastic article mashaAllah. I came across it a few days ago and have been thinking about some of the stuff she said since. There’s some solid advice in there.

    About homeschooling, a friend and I discussed that at length a few months ago and came to the same conclusion as you – you can’t gamble with your child’s tarbiyah by sending them to public school, no matter how awesome you are as parents. Islamic school can be an option depending on location I guess but both of us were wary about that and figured the positives of homeschooling outweighed the potential positives of Islamic school. One would need a strong social network of like-minded friends and their kids to complement homeschooling with social interaction. But yeah, this is one topic that strikes fear into my heart and sends me straight to Allah, despite not being a parent or even married.

    I read your post on parenting from earlier, mashaAllah I think you’re on point with everything you discussed. I’ve come to more or less similar conclusions myself over some time. Also, very few people seem to think about this stuff! Which is surprising considering how central it is (or should be) in our lives. Jazakillahu khair – I didn’t have this written down but you’ve articulated it very well.

  2. Walaykum Assalam,

    Jazaks or stopping by and commenting. I thought about Islamic schools for a while. Having gone to one for about 3 years when I was a kid, I thought they were okay, but over time I noticed that the kids who went to Islamic schools all their life and were later exposed to the real world, the outcome was really detrimental to their Islamic character and overall worldview. I’m really glad my parents took me out.. and Alhumdulillah, public school didn’t rub off on me too much. I think I’ve turned out okay despite having gone to public schools, but for me personally, I would want to aim much higher for my fam bi’ithnillah. With homeschooling, sure the first few years can be rough..I think its a learning experience for the parents and the kids, but once it gets going, it’s really beautiful to see the outcome.

    It’s something to think about every now and then for anyone who is serious about raising children who are Muttaqeen and like she said in the article, it all starts with du’a. In one of my Al Huda lessons, we were discussing how Allah will give no matter what but He wants to see our effort, our struggle. Everyone can say they want Jannah but striving for it and living every day according to the prescribed hukum of Allah requires a lot more than just words. Khair, may Allah azzawajal make this path easy for all those who sincerely want it. Ameen. :)

    • Yes you’re right in that many students from Islamic schools are less than prepared for conducting themselves in a non-Muslim majority society and interacting positively with the general public and giving da’wah. That’s one of the drawbacks we considered. Another thing is, if unIslamic things happen among Muslim students in an Islamic school (and they do) their seriousness is not immediately realized because, well, it’s an Islamic school so how unIslamic can it be? The line between what we do and don’t do is sort of blurred whereas in other places one is hyperaware of the boundaries.

      Your points raise another question though. Homeschooling is practically impossible with two working parents. And yet, many of the strong Muslimahs I’ve seen here are strong in their independence and desire for a career of their own as well. How can the two be reconciled? On the one hand you have an entire system telling you that self-worth is determined by the number of degrees you have, your position at work and the amount of money you make (men and women are not differentiated between in this worldview) and on the other hand there is the goal of putting in the time to nurture a righteous family. How did you for example overcome this mismatch and conclude you wanted to put in the effort to homeschool children? (I read your earlier post on how both parents need to be involved and I agree, but I’m talking about sisters here specifically.)

      • Well, first I would hope that I wouldn’t have to work because obviously that would make the situation more ideal for homeschooling. But this something I’m always conflicting with because, I’ll be honest…I love school. I was a valedictorian in hs, acing my way through college now too Alhumdulullah and school is just my ‘thing,’ it’s what I’m good at. At the same time, I feel like there’s bigger fish to fry lol. We’re tip-toeing into some really tough times ahead not just as an Ummah but as mankind in general and I think that raising righteous, pious children is the one way I can leave my mark InshaAllah. Sure, I can get a good degree, work 9-5, bring home the dough or whatever, but if I’m out doing that, who’s going to teach my kids the arkaan of Salah or the Seerah/lives of Prophets or the tafseer of Qur’an? Certainly not my neighbors, or the babysitter, and probably not even my direct family members. That’s my job. And besides Islamic education, a mother knows her children better than anyone else ever will. A teacher can’t give the child 100% of their attention at all times, but a mother can, and she is more likely to teach her child based on his/her learning style. Growing up, all my best friends were home schooled except me. I see them now and MashaAllah, they are my role models even though we’re the same age. They’ve memorized Qur’an and they’re no less than ‘Alima’s mA. They’re also fully familiar with the dunya. So to me, it’s about raising the next generation. If I can raise one taqwa-fied child with the full help and support of my spouse iA, he/she will radiate the light of Iman wherever he/she goes and that’s a far greater success than any 5 or 6 figure salary can ever be (of course, making a lot of money and spending in the way of Allah is also another great option…but it seems more feasible for men)

        One thing that struck me today in Sh. YQ’s ilminar was his comment about young Muslims being super duper hardcore..like everything is black and white for them. Sometimes, I think I’m going through that phase and maybe later on, I might change my thoughts about some things, but not about homeschooling. It’s something I hold near and dear and it’s a goal of mine that I need to accomplish InshaAllah. I can definitely see myself working for a while, or if not working, then almost always learning new things in my field of social work and conflict resolution but I don’t mind applying my skills in my home or even in my local community, I don’t have to be super woman out in the open, I can be super woman in my home and that’s perfectly fine with me. :)

        phew.

        I really should have expanded on this post.

  3. MashaAllah, you’re one of the more perceptive people I’ve come across. May Allah increase you in wisdom and understanding. It’s very easy to get stuck in other more convoluted and self-centered ways and of thinking but your points are clear and simple.

    I like how you tied in the fact that the world around us is changing at a fast clip and how we need to change our priorities in order to bring up mu’min and muttaqi children. This connection escapes so many people! That bit about leaving a legacy with successful children applies to men too I think. Even leaving the personal akhirah question aside, too often we get caught up in the corporate world to realize that our children are worth more time and investment in than a faceless bunch of shareholders.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s